How to Have Sex Without Waking the Kids

Sex doesn’t seem right without moans, screams, and rattling headboards. But sometimes—like when you’ve got paper-thin walls between you, the kids, and your visiting in-laws—it’s either quiet sex or no sex at all.

But take heed: Sneaky, quiet sex doesn’t require super-gluing your mouth shut and sticking with slow-and-steady missionary. With the right DIY soundproofing tactics, you can get outside the bedroom, pull out some acrobatics—like these 45 Sex Positions Every Couple Should Try—and muffle your toe-curling moans.

1. Build a Blanket Fort

Throw some more pillows on the bed and hide under the covers: When higher-frequency sound waves enter the blankets, they turn into tiny vibrations that get stuck between the fibers, says Tom Player, director of Lost Track Productions, who has composed trailer music for The Hobbit and Game of Thrones.

Most soft objects—a sofa, a bed—absorb some sound waves, but pillows and blankets are among the best absorbers lying around the average house. However, you’ll still need to keep the moans to a minimum: Blankets can only absorb so much sound, and won’t really touch the deeper notes, he says.

2. Hop in the Shower

This masturbation location is also great for a twosome. And it’s not just because showers are noisy. Water actually karate-chops sounds into millions of little pieces. “As the shower water comes down, the sound waves will physically bump into the droplets at countless points,” explains Maria Canul, a former acoustics engineer with the Sound Research Corporation. “Each time this happens, it will slow down the waves, change their shape, and chop them up.”

Remember, though, that the hot water also loosens your vocal chords. And besides turning you into an ace shower singer, H2O makes your voice deeper and more apt to carry throughout the house, she says.